Wow, mom fails all over this place

So, Wyatt.  You had to miss a day of school because you ruined your only pair of shoes.  You are in town today with your grandfather wearing your dress shoes because you have grown out of or ruined every other pair you own.  I feel like I should have prepared for this.  But you were happy to get to spend the day with Grampy.

Levi, you are such a smart boy, but no one is going to know this if you refuse to speak to any adult but your mother.  I have been told since Wyatt was a baby the importance of socializing you guys with other children.  It never occurred to me that you would have an issue with being socialized with other adults.  Now  I have a woman on the school board who thinks I am either ignorant or in denial because I wouldn't send you to a special program to learn things that I know you already know.

Mav, I haven't screwed you up too bad yet, thank God.

The things that make you different

Wyatt, I love you.  You are  always thinking ahead.  You are always thinking about the next thing.  You are always wanting more.  It makes me crazy sometimes, because I feel like nothing is ever enough for you, but it makes you more driven to get what you want.

Levi, I love you.  You never do what the norm is.  If the whole world says black, you say white.  If the whole world wants more, you want less.  You are a 5 year old boy who loves to cuddle, and watch smurfs.  You like figure skating better than hockey.  You like to be home, when everyone else wants to go.  But all you ever want to do is be happy.  You work the hardest you can to make your world a happy place.

Maverick.  I love you.  I feel like I hardly know who you are yet. But you love to smile, and you love your dad.  And grampy too.  There isn't a toy in the world that you would rather play with than looking out the window.  And you think the dog is hilarious.

You three are all so different, and I love seeing every day what you come up with to make my life more interesting.

the things I worry about

It's getting to be the time of year.  Dad doesn't work in the spring, which means money's tight.  It makes me worry every year that we will not be able to give you want you want as well as what you need.  I never want you to feel like you are going without.  But I cannot give you the world, or that $100 dollar lego set you want so much.  And sometimes, I wish I could just tuck all three of you away at times like these, like dolls. So you wouldn't' have to deal with the stress of everyday living.

It is times like these that I worry if I am raising you right at all.  Maybe it shouldn't matter to you that you don't get what you want.  Maybe we have spoiled you all, and that was wrong.  Maybe we are sheltering you from a world where money doesn't grow on trees and times are tough.  Maybe in this world, you should be tougher.

And then i worry that you will be the children on the playground who have the holes in your shoes, and the hand me downs.  And the kitchen hair cuts. It's a vicious circle, and as parents, we are screwed one way or another.

But I know one thing we are doing right, and that is that we love you all enough to worry about these things.